I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
