Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
