She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The power of my boobs compel you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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