don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
