I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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