He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
