$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My first STD was from a foam party
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
