is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
