So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?