i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.