My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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