I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
