Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
