I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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