No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
