nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
