Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
