I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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