Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we're making bets on your personal life
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
