is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
