you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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