what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
