then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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