I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
