she was so not down for the gang bang
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
