I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
