Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
