She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
