Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
