I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
