I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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