i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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