is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
