i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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