I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
