mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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