im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
