if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My ass is underappreciated
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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