So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
