I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
