His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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