I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
