chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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