I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
