oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
