He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
