i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
