I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
