is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
