I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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