new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
