he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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