Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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