I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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