South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
