So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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