So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
