its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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