Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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