New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I party with great urgency now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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