when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
