Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
