I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
