My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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