We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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