Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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