i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Green mimosas i think yes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
