You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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