so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
