somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
