I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How's work?
Spinning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
