I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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