Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
