he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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