two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
